!Possible trigger warning!
I grew up in Hungary and became a group fitness instructor at 20.
Fifteen years ago, I moved to Montreal for someone who became my husband and turned out to be emotionally abusive. At the time, I didn’t realize it; I was busy learning English and starting my life from scratch. I built a wonderful life with amazing Hungarian friends and a great following of fitness participants.
In 2012, we moved to Vancouver, and I started over again, shifting to personal training at an exclusive boutique gym on the North Shore.
By 2016, I knew I wasn’t happy in my marriage. I couldn’t express it, but I felt disrespected by the person who was supposed to love me most. I left my marriage. This led to a huge shift: I got involved in unsafe dating, smoking, drinking, and obsessive exercise. Looking back, I probably had C-PTSD due to the trauma in my marriage, seeking external validation I couldn’t provide myself.
Later, I met someone I thought was special and left my job, where I felt taken advantage of.
As a people-pleaser I gave beyond my full capacity I just didn’t see it.
During COVID, I found a somatic therapist. This body-based approach made so much sense, helping with nervous system regulation and trauma release. The shift was slow but significant. I started my own personal training business but felt stuck with conventional "no pain, no gain" fitness.
I began using somatic techniques in my sessions and discovered trauma-informed personal training, which excited me. I completed the next course available.
That year was tough: I got pregnant, and my partner offered no support during an overly difficult decision not to have the baby. In hindsight, it was the best choice, given who he truly was.
I enjoyed training clients, teaching them about their bodies, and completed another course as a Corrective Exercise Specialist, which complimented my trauma-informed approach. I created a unique process to empower my clients, teaching them autonomy and boundary-setting while also learning about their movement patterns and body mechanics.
In my relationship, I tried to set boundaries, but it wasn’t possible. I was expected to conform, and attempts led to name-calling and outbursts. It became clear we didn’t share the same values, so I cut ties and chose to put myself first, as I encouraged my clients to do.
I dived deep into understanding trauma bonding and why I got involved in those relationships. I’ve been out of it for a year and a half, and my healing has taken off. This breakup is different from the last. I haven’t entirely avoided the rabbit hole of dating and some drinking, but I no longer seek external validation like after leaving my ex-husband.
However I have to emphasize that it’s been a lot of work and unlearning since the body’s physiology holds onto old patterns like it was for its dear life.
But trust me if I say it’s possible to heal! It’s patience and lots of conscious decisions day after day.